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lastrainhome489
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Name: ashley
Gender: Female
Interests: writing. ice skating. dancing. kayaking. rock climbing. loving. planet smoothie. beef jerky, lol. icons. pearls. being goofy. sparkles. starbucks. drama class. poetry. smiles. ramen noodles.
Occupation: I am a student. and I work at
Message: message me
Member Since:
9/10/2005
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| Somewhere, over the Rainbow
Don't know why she came by...
Mentioned something about how you were right.
Skies are blue.
Must have been hard to see through
The tears she was hiding...
The dreams that you dare to dream really do
Come true.
It's where you'll find me.
Someday I'll wake up where the clouds are....
Far behind me.
She was driving down the highway tonight -
Playing with the thought of leaving.
Bluebirds fly... over the Rainbow -
Why, oh so, why can't I....
She said "I might not be seeing him soon...
Got a few things I've been waiting to do.
Don't know why she came by -
But I could see by the look in her eyes
Somewhere over the Rainbow
She came by, came by, tonight...
Looked outside at the car in the drive
Don't look down, she seemed alright -
Somewhere over the rainbow -
Somewhere out on the highway -
I'm sure that she's fine. | | |
| Wait for the Lord!
Oh, what a command.
How may I be strong? How can I take heart, when all i want, and all my dreams, and everything I wish for, is at stake!?!
"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, Plans to give you a HOPE and a FUTURE...."
when it feels like my dreams are so far....sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again. The desire of my heart is to be like You, my God. To be faithful and to Love you and to Love others as you have loved me, and to Show others the Joy of the Lord.
How do I share Joy when I don't feel it? Where are they all, where are the companions of my heart when I am lonely? Is this the curse you will put on me to bring me closer to you?
Will I ever marry a man I love? And how will You show me who he is? What paths lay before me untrodden...
Will I become a Woman after you...to teach, instruct, and Love?
How do I wait on you, O God? My heart burns within me, my soul aches for fulfillment. What do you desire for me? Your wish, my Jesus, is my command.
Let me learn to have you at the forefront of my thinking, to be okay with being human, to be okay with You being the only one that can do it right.
My fault is that I think, by following you, I am righteous, I am RIGHT, I am okay.
I'm not okay. I'm human, broken, bitter. I hurt, I sigh, I moan, I curse.
I hurt. I long. I ache. I obsess. I covet, I lust. I am a whore, I do confess....and I'll put you on...Just like a wedding dress...and Run down the aisle to You.
Here I am, O Lord, take me and make me, use me and mold me for the glory of Your creation, for I long to be a part of it. I want to be someone beautiful and Great, for You.
Do not let my sights set away from the Goal. You are my purpose, my goal. To the depths of the belly of the whale, to King Solomon, You have blessed and taught, understood and Loved
Let me be a part of Your Grand story.
Tell me no one's story but my own...let me fall into redemption as it swirls about my head, my feet, my arms, my heart.
Wash my feet, O Lord. Let the shadow prove the sunshine, but leave me content to be in the shadows.
Stay with me, my King and my God.
You, I Am, are my King, and my God. I will serve no other. | | |
| and He says to me.
I am the Way
Follow Me and take My hand
And I am the Truth.
Embrace Me and you'll understand
And I am the Light and for Me you'll live again
For I am Love.
I am Love.
I, I am Love.
So, why am I writing this note? I don't know.
Why am I still wide awake at 2:41am? I have no clue.
Why does my heart cry with unanswered questions? I wish I knew.
It is just hard for me right now. Yes, I say that a lot. I'll admit, I'm not as courageous as I want to be, or as I endeavor to attempt at the appearce of being courageous. I want to give. Something has got to give. Until there is nothing left to give. I want to come up with my own words to my own songs - to live for myself, to give TO myself and FOR myself.
But doesn't that leave me empty, unsatisfied, and miserable? Yes.
Can I just give this up and hope my life will fall into place by itself? No.
So I need to fill this empty hole with my Redeemer. Easy. Right. I know what you're thinking...Live for Christ. Live for the Christian cause....
Isn't that a bit cliche? Does it really matter? Go to bed, Ashley, you're just another teenager awake at all hours of the night pondering a life, your life, that you won't be able to really give comletely over to Jesus. No - you're a sad excuse for perfection. You're a sad excuse for a human...
But you're forgiven.
You're loved.
You impact.
You care.
I am loved.
I impact.
I care.
I am forgiven.
and He, He is Love. He is the great I am.
If He is Love - why am I searching with all my being for it? Soaking Him in like the rays of the sunshine on the shores is all I need to be paying attention to. The Love that I have to give is only true when it is given from the power of His Love and Perfection. He, He is love. And on that thought, I need all the grace and power He will give me.
Do I honestly trust that His provision and Love is enough? Not enough.
Do I Love from the power of His Love and Perfection? Not enough.
Do I receive all the grace and power He gives me every minute? Not nearly enough.
No. I am human. I am not Love in itself. I am capable of all these things, but I do not acheive them. My nature snaps back into itself - meaning, I am self-absorbed. I am proud. I can do it "on my own". I can live for myself, I can do it myself. That mountain in the distance? Yes, I can climb it safely with no ropes, no guide, no one below to call out the coming rockslides. Nothing to trust in.
For if I let myself be vulnerable enough to actually TRUST in someone, or something, that would leave me vulnerable, right?
Wouldn't that be a scary place for my heart to be?
Wouldn't that leave me...open? exposed? easily hurt?
Yes.
But THROUGH this, and BECAUSE of this - is His higher calling.
His Love for me.
My Jesus is teaching me patience. To wait on that which He has planned for me, to let myself be vulnerable and open and awaiting. I cut that sentence short...awaiting. Awaiting what? I do not know. I hate not knowing. It leaves me impatient. It leaves me hanging. It leaves me in a scary place.... oh, and aren't we all afraid of the dark. The dark. Yes, that painfully hard redeeming darkness.
We come out stronger through dark places. First, think of going through an unknown tunnel - with rocks and boulders and unknown walls. Completely blinded by the thick darkness all around you - the kind that is breathed in. You will run flat into those walls. Your toe will inevitably find those hundreds of rocks just waiting to stub it. Those boulders will double you over, head over heels, dirt in your hair and in your hands.
Life feels like that tunnel. and without a Guide, it can be pretty dangerous at times...well - most all the time.
One would look pretty stupid if they didn't humble themselves, be vulerable, and take advantage of that Guide. All they had to do was ask, and simply trust. Otherwise...
They'd come out looking like a mess, and feel more like going to the ER than shouting in victory under the ever-awaited sunlit sky.
Maybe I'm not really making a point...maybe i'm just rambling on...
But Patience. Trust. and it's okay to be vulnerable...it's the only way to learn. It's the only way to acheive blessing, and it's the only way to grow in the hope and the knowledge of Jesus Christ...These are the lessons I am learning. These are the lessons He is teaching me.
Oh, how I long for my Redeemer...
how I long for the end of the darkness in my tunnel.
and He says to me...I am the Way.
Follow Me and take My hand
And I am the Truth.
Embrace Me and you'll understand
And I am the Light and for Me you'll live again
For I am Love.
I am Love.
I, I am Love. | | |
| he will come he will come!
he will soften all this hardness. break the CHAMBERS of our DARKNESS...
and we'll ALL be ...overwhelmed.
he gives me new mercies day by day - the strength to carry on, the strength to carry through.
in the world of a girl the words she hears mean an awful lot, and the music in her mind has the lyrics she was taught...
and when she gets to heaven all the right things will be said, and he will look on her with favor...
and HE WILL COME! HE WILL COME!
He will comfort all that's hardened and make the deserts into gardens - we all will see His face.
::sigh::
hard to believe.
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| In this world of news, I've found nothing new
I've found nothing pure
Maybe I'm just idealistic to assume that truth
Could be fact and form
That love could be a verb
Maybe I'm just a little misinformed
As the dead moon rises, and the freeways sigh
Let the trains watch over the tides and the mist
Spinning circles in our skies tonight
Let the trucks roll in from Los Angeles
Maybe our stars are unanimously tired
Let Your love be strong, and I don't care what goes down
Let Your love be strong enough to weather through the thunder cloud
Fury and thunder clap like stealing the fire from your skies
All of my world hanging on Your love
Let the wars begin, let my strength wear thin
Let my fingers crack, let my world fall apart
Train the monkeys on my back to fight
Let it start tonight
When my world explodes, when my stars touch the ground
Falling down like broken satellites
All of my world resting on Your love | | |
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